[100th Blog] Best Thing I Ever Learned About: Lasting Change

Let me preface by saying learning is not the same as understanding and this lesson came together for me whilst I was standing on my driveway on a sunny day, a few weeks ago.

But it brought together the most fundamental question I have been seeking an answer to from the age of 17:

How do we make real and lasting change? [No, it's not just about goals]

You see; I had learned many lessons that I write about and ones you have probably heard too but today permit me to share a deep insight of me and one that I only truly grasped after 17 years of thinking.

Like you, I had to keep learning, applying, and connecting as many dots of wisdom as I could.

Then boom it's like a light switch triggers and I have gained more awareness. 

Or I should say the persona I am operating within that moment has been further enlightened. [Side note: You have many persona's, not just one]

Here's the lesson:

I am willing to bet you have had many areas in your life you've made a good conscious effort to improve. 

Maybe you've wanted to shed some weight or make a little extra money in a new business side hustle.

Often giving up over the course of time due to the change's you have to make feeling impossible and overwhelming.

On the surface, it could appear the goal was wrong to begin with or the goal was weak but that isn't the reason change didn't occur. 

Here is what happens in your psyche the moment you aspire for something bigger in your life.

Imagine you're staring at the horizon.

You look up just a little bit above the horizon line; this represents a new goal, idea or dream at a level of ambition which is above where you presently stand in life.

Now, with a bit more courage you look up A LOT higher; this represents a new goal, idea or dream at an extraordinary high level of ambition for you.

However, at both levels, personal transformation and fundamental change are absolutely required to achieve your new goal, idea or dream.

Both levels are impersonal.

Meaning you could aim as high or low as you like, that is what your free will and imagination permit you to do.

THIS IS THE MOST IMPORTANT PART OF THE LESSON TO GRASP:

In that exact moment, the moment you imagine a higher ambition for your life, a bigger dream to go after or a wildly ambitious goal - you also IMMEDIATELY create a version of God [whatever that is to you] sitting above you and looking back down on you and JUDGING YOU.

Revealing ALL your inadequacies, your failings, the skills you don't posses, your lack, your LIMITATIONS, every single reason why you can't change or do the thing.

Most people think of this as a limiting belief but it's far more than that.

This God-head figure was created by YOU to show you EXACTLY what you need to fix.

What you must remove from your life.

What you must unequivocally CHANGE completely about yourself to earn the right for the new goal to appear.

You cannot negotiate this. 

You either make the changes or there is no way you can ever achieve that goal or dream.

In that very moment; you have a VERY, VERY, VERY important decision to make (and this is where I have literally witnessed HUNDREDS of people fail at goals because of this reason).

Will you commit to the complete and utter transformation of yourself? 

Do not misunderstand this God-head figure your psyche produced as the literal reasons why you shouldn't change - although they may be real reasons and legitimate excuses.

THAT'S NOT WHY IT'S THERE. 

It's there to show you exactly what you need to do.

And the "door will be opened unto you."

I used to run a monthly club for people to set up goals and then each month come back to share their progress.

Naturally in the first stage of setting a new ambition line or goal for their life excitement was brewing. 

But almost INSTANTLY that God-head would appear and it wasn't surprising over 90% of people decided to quit for various reasons.

The true reason was not because they couldn't succeed. It was because the changes they would have to make scared them more than staying in the same place. 

It was a great experiment with about 100 people over a year long.

People fail because when that judge reveals their flaws they would rather back down where it's "safe" than make the needed changes. Changes which are perpetuated by the very thought of the goal in the first instance. 

It's a very tiresome loop to run in.

Perhaps you are sick of such a loop?

It may be because you set yourself up for failure, in the past, with a new goal then run away as fast as possible from facing your true self and what you might be.

Instead of leaning into that new you - you rationalize [ration-lies-to-your-mind] away your success believing you're better off in the known than the unknown.

But you're not and you can't be.

THERE IS NO STASIS IN LIFE. YOU ONLY GO BACKWARD OR UPWARD, NEVER STILL AND NEVER THE SAME.

Upon reflection, I can see very clearly the personal flaws I possess and what is holding me in place because of the high-level ambitions and goals I have created. My own judge shows me exactly what I need to fix, amend but most importantly remove and change within myself.

I am extremely grateful I learned this lesson for one chief reason. 

My judge shows me the precise areas that are within my full capacity to change, otherwise, it wouldn't appear.

To exemplify this in my life I remember my first goal to sell homes in real estate.

The idea of selling a home at 19 years old scared the daylights out of me. Speaking to strangers. Presenting. Terrified me.

But that judging God-head showed me, through my inadequacies, the precise things I MUST change, remove, or improve for me to even be able to sell just 1 home. 

At it's core it serves as a mental road block to show you the person you must become in order for you to achieve what you seek, in your life.

If you don't fix all those things about you; you will consistently fail.

You may now think; should I just not bother with change at all?

That would be FATAL to your life because life changes and you do not control that.

What you get to control is the level or degree of change within that mix. Hence why the worst advice would be to say "don't have any ambition" or "don't have anything to strive towards."

You would only want to do that as a self-protection mechanism which would ultimately lead you down a road of sadness.

Every single goal, achievement, desire and ambition of mine I have witnessed this process but I did not UNDERSTAND what was happening until standing on my driveway thinking about and hearing just a few words uttered out of Jordan Peterson's mouth - "you create a God; judging yourself." 

It brought years of personal toil and success together with an answer, finally.

I trust this serves you as much as it is me.

Go for it because the power is within you and always has been.

Vaughan.